Thursday, November 17, 2011

What were we thinking?

Ten Myths for Grieving the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide

1. You will get over it in a month or two.
2. You will handle it like everyone else.
3. You will grieve in the same way as your spouse, your children, or others close to the deceased.
4. You won’t be angry at the deceased.
5. You shouldn’t cry.
6. You shouldn’t talk about your loss.
7. Your marriage, inevitably, will fail.
8. You won’t have suicidal thoughts.
9. Your life will never have meaning again.
10. The experience will be a straight-line process through the stages of grief and beyond acceptance to joy again, and the pain will never return.

As I sit here typing these ten myths, Adam’s 10 year old step-daughter asked me how I planned on helping her friend’s parents. Come to find out she goes to school with a young man that was at the funeral this last Tuesday. I read to her the ten un-truths above.

She said “those are not right at all.” “You get scared, and sad, and mad… then maybe try to act like nothing is wrong but that doesn’t work so you get scared again and cry a lot.” “A lot of people say it’s best to just try and fake your way through your day but it’s not!” “Because you start putting too much pressure on yourself and it just comes out anyways but all at once.” I believe she told me this all in one breath.

I asked her what it’s like to be a kid and learn that Adam took his own life. She said (and this broke my heart) that when she was first told, "everyone just kept saying he was sick and she thought he died because he was sick.” It was from hearing others talk about Adam committing suicide that she learned bits and pieces of the truth. That’s what made my heart ache so, here’s at the time, a 9 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old thinking Adam was ill and just didn’t wake up. What were we thinking? No wonder the younger ones are afraid to go to bed! They all had to be afraid they could get sick, or mommy could, or wonder who could get sick next.

This little niece of mine also has that fire side, as I describe it, to help those just now going through what she’s gone through these last few months. As we said her prayers tonight… she said “everyone will have bad days, I’m just glad to be having more good days.” I’m glad for her too.

Sadly it’s now really have an effect on Adam’s sons and this is brings up a whole mess of feelings for us all. I pray that God will guide us to what will be the best way to help them with their grieving. John 15:7…but if you stay joined to me and my words remain in you, you may ask any request you like, and it will be granted!

Did you know that there are seven suicides recorded in the bible?

Our Prayer for this week: Give us insight this day, Lord our God, to understand your ways, and consecrate our hearts to reverence you. From our sins redeem us with forgiveness; from pain and sorrow give us spiritual insight. Let us rejoice in the understanding of our redemption. Blessed is the Lord who beckons us to prayer. In Jesus name we pray ~ Amen.


1 comment:

  1. This is very insightful. I myself am a suicide survivor. My daughter was 5 whdn she saw me on fire and being lucky enough to survive i often feel terrible for the things that i put her through at such a young age it hasnt effected her like you think it wld have we talk about that day openly and honestly now the she is 11. The kids are so important and as they get older they will understand. Like my daughter she just felt bad that i was that sad do that. Adam was and always will be great and his kids will remember that but my thoughts and prayers are with everyone....they wrk.