Needs

As you read this, I would like you to ask yourself what kind of needs you have that tend to go unmet. Maybe you are in need of more balance, alone time, or the opportunity to pursue a personal interest.  Perhaps you need more time with your significant other, intimacy, or stimulating conversation with a friend.  Maybe your body is craving some attention or your health needs tending to.  Or, perhaps you are in a time of hardship, limbo, or transition and you need to turn the page.  Maybe you are currently fulfilling some roles that just aren't fulfilling you.  Perhaps it is none of these things and your soul just needs some stirring, making your needs a bit more abstract.  Or, perhaps instead they are really quite simple.

No matter what your specific needs are, though, you have them.  We all do.  Some of which we can meet on our own, and some that we simply cannot meet without the help of others.

As you reflect on what your needs are, take a moment to think about what it would be like to tell someone about them.  I am willing to bet that doing so feels a bit risky or uncomfortable.  Maybe even a bit vulnerable.  Admitting our needs to other people, especially when those needs have an effect on our loved ones, can be really difficult.  It can even feel somewhat foreign or scary as we expose parts of ourselves to others by admitting to our needs and acknowledging that we cannot always meet them on our own. 

This can be scary, because we cannot be entirely sure what will happen.  What if the person that we are opening up to doesn't receive it well?  What if they get mad?  What if they judge you or don't understand?  What if it hurts their feelings?  What if they turn the tables and they make it about themselves?  What if the person you have opened up to just does not respond at all?

Or, what if it goes really well?  What if none of those scary things happen, and the person you have opened up to takes your heart gently into their hands and says, "I understand.  I love you.  And I am here to support you"?  How wonderfully comforting would that be?  How good would you feel as you are finally able to have your needs acknowledged?  How satisfied would you feel when some of your needs are finally fulfilled? 

As you take this time to reflect on your needs, also take a moment to imagine the contentment you might feel should they be accepted and met.  Weigh the benefits against the disadvantages of pursuing those needs.  Similarly, consider the positive and negative consequences should you choose to not tend to that side of yourself.  And finally, as you wrap your head and your heart around each of these alternatives, consider how you might move forward from here and bravely take that first step. 

-El

....doing it anyway.

don't ya just feel that way sometimes?

exhausted.

confused.

foggy.

done.

just plain ready to give up rather than dig in again and "get through it"

i have the notion to go get another tattoo that says the following:

"she did it anyway."

because we do.

we have.

and we continue to just keep on keepin' on.

we dig deep and from somewhere inside us we find yet another bundle of energy to push us through.

or perhaps it is somewhere above us....or someONE right beside us that gives us that extra bit of courage and strength.

whatever way you get through those "feelings" , my hope is that the next time you feel as though you "can't do it anymore"...

YOU tell yourself you CAN, you WILL and you DO.

because LIFE is worth it. 

those you LOVE are worth it.

and most of all - my beautiful - never before created,  unique and amazing individual soul.....

YOU are worth it.

xoxoxo,

ang.

Tis the Season

Tis the season!  Or so they say.  While the holiday season is full of excitement and cheer for many, there are many of us who struggle with difficult feelings that seem to intensify as the holidays approach.  For some of us, it is the hustle and bustle or the added financial demands that we find overwhelming.  Others may find themselves worried about family dynamics, relationship issues, or tension of another sort.  Still others may feel a sense of grief, loneliness, turmoil, or a bittersweet sadness that seems to accompany the holiday season.

If the holidays tend to take an emotional toll on you, know that you are not alone.  If this sounds at all familiar to you, do not add any undue pressure or stress to your life because you are feeling this way.  Perhaps, it might serve you well to approach the holidays a bit differently this year.  Perhaps, instead of getting caught up in the stress or forcing a process that you are uncomfortable with, you might consider doing something for yourself.  This year, I encourage you to put yourself on your Christmas list and engage in a little extra self-care. 

While it is not always easy to take time for ourselves, particularly during this time of year, it is certainly worth the investment.  Take a moment to acknowledge your feelings, whatever they are, and consider what it is that you need.  Perhaps you might benefit from a little extra compassion, patience, and self-reflection.  Maybe it is alone time you crave, social support, or a much-needed break from the demands of your life.  Or, it may be that you could benefit from reminding yourself to be realistic with the expectations you place on yourself, that it is okay to say no, assert yourself, or set aside differences.      Perhaps budgeting, planning ahead, and maintaining healthy habits is what you need.  Or, maybe it is something entirely different that you are looking for this season.   

Whatever it is that you need most this year, do not be afraid to give yourself that gift.  Give yourself permission to make yourself a priority and take care of yourself just as well as you take care of everyone else on your Christmas list.  Think of positive ways that you might transform your holiday traditions this year, even if it is just a bit, and allow yourself the freedom to make those changes.  As you reflect on what you are needing in the here-and-now, consider how you can be most present and content with where you are at.  Similarly, take a moment to smile upon your past while also asking yourself what you have to look forward to in the coming year.   

As you reflect on your feelings surrounding the holiday season and discover what it is that you need this time of year, I hope that you are able to find a way to incorporate such things into your holiday celebration.  Most importantly, I hope that you are able to find a holiday cheer that is most peaceful and meaningful to you. 

 -El

What were we thinking?

Ten Myths for Grieving the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide

1. You will get over it in a month or two.
2. You will handle it like everyone else.
3. You will grieve in the same way as your spouse, your children, or others close to the deceased.
4. You won’t be angry at the deceased.
5. You shouldn’t cry.
6. You shouldn’t talk about your loss.
7. Your marriage, inevitably, will fail.
8. You won’t have suicidal thoughts.
9. Your life will never have meaning again.
10. The experience will be a straight-line process through the stages of grief and beyond acceptance to joy again, and the pain will never return.

As I sit here typing these ten myths, Adam’s 10 year old step-daughter asked me how I planned on helping her friend’s parents. Come to find out she goes to school with a young man that was at the funeral this last Tuesday. I read to her the ten un-truths above.

She said “those are not right at all.” “You get scared, and sad, and mad… then maybe try to act like nothing is wrong but that doesn’t work so you get scared again and cry a lot.” “A lot of people say it’s best to just try and fake your way through your day but it’s not!” “Because you start putting too much pressure on yourself and it just comes out anyways but all at once.” I believe she told me this all in one breath.

I asked her what it’s like to be a kid and learn that Adam took his own life. She said (and this broke my heart) that when she was first told, "everyone just kept saying he was sick and she thought he died because he was sick.” It was from hearing others talk about Adam committing suicide that she learned bits and pieces of the truth. That’s what made my heart ache so, here’s at the time, a 9 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old thinking Adam was ill and just didn’t wake up. What were we thinking? No wonder the younger ones are afraid to go to bed! They all had to be afraid they could get sick, or mommy could, or wonder who could get sick next.

This little niece of mine also has that fire side, as I describe it, to help those just now going through what she’s gone through these last few months. As we said her prayers tonight… she said “everyone will have bad days, I’m just glad to be having more good days.” I’m glad for her too.

Sadly it’s now really have an effect on Adam’s sons and this is brings up a whole mess of feelings for us all. I pray that God will guide us to what will be the best way to help them with their grieving. John 15:7…but if you stay joined to me and my words remain in you, you may ask any request you like, and it will be granted!

Did you know that there are seven suicides recorded in the bible?
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-dml/dml-y038.html

Our Prayer for this week: Give us insight this day, Lord our God, to understand your ways, and consecrate our hearts to reverence you. From our sins redeem us with forgiveness; from pain and sorrow give us spiritual insight. Let us rejoice in the understanding of our redemption. Blessed is the Lord who beckons us to prayer. In Jesus name we pray ~ Amen.

~Sara

Stuffing is for Turkeys

Do you, or anyone else in your life, have the habit of “stuffing”?  Do you ever stuff something away to spare someone else’s feelings at the expense of your own?  Do you ever avoid a sensitive issue because of the discomfort it may cause you or a loved one?  Do you ever worry that you cannot talk to someone about something important to you because of how they might respond, or that you may not be able to accurately express yourself?  Do you minimize the importance of your concerns for the benefit of someone else?  Is talking about yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings ever just plain old uncomfortable for you?

Although there are times that it is better to hold our tongues, stuffing can be problematic.  It is hard on the stuffer, because it is taxing to keep issues bottled up without adequately acknowledging them.  It does a disservice to the potential listener by not affording them a chance to improve upon or defend themselves, nor does it allow them a chance to offer support to the stuffer.  It is also harmful to a relationship, as it denies the opportunity for better communication, it does not allow issues to be worked out, and it often creates whole new problems that disproportionate to the original concern.  And then things get messy. 

So what do we do about stuffing?  Do we dump our verbal spewage everywhere?  Do we blurt out our feelings with every little irritation we experience?  Do we say everything we feel, all the time, without considering the impact we have on others?  Should we always be completely transparent?  Perhaps not.

Perhaps there a middle ground.  Perhaps we should make a concerted effort to be selective about what we share and use self-reflection to help us better package and deliver our messages.  Perhaps considering how our listeners will perceive our message will help them receive what we have to say and encourage us to speak up.  Perhaps our loved ones may need some coaching to better support us as we expose our feelings to them.  Perhaps these conversations that are so uncomfortable can also be really important, and really good.   

Communication takes practice, it takes patience, and it takes courage.  It takes a lot to be effective communicators and to openly listen to our loved ones.  Sometimes we have to say things we would rather not.  Sometimes we have to say or hear truths that hurt.  And sometimes, the most important truths are uncomfortable.  But when we accept those truths, talk about them, and work through them, we are able to move forward.  We become closer to the people that we love, more in tune with ourselves, and better able to foster more fulfilling relationships.  Ultimately, when we communicate more freely, we become more authentic and real, both to ourselves and to others.

Take the risk and consider opening up today.  Venture out of your comfort zone and express yourself.    

-El

Have I Told You Lately...

 

 

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

~From a headstone in Ireland.

 

Today I am reminded how very precious life.   So I am going to keep it very simple.

 

Remember to tell the ones you love how very much they mean to you, even if you think they already know. Even if sometimes it’s just hard to say, “I love you” say it anyway. Write a letter, send a text, or call them on the phone. Leave a memory of love that time cannot steal.

Find the words, find the time and share your love.

 

Love

~Stacy

Silence about suicide is toxic

Why?
That’s what we ask.
The truth is, we may never be able to know for sure why.
But we do know that there is no single “should have done” or “could have done” or “did” or “didn’t do” that would have changed that why.
All that love could do was done.

Our thoughts are with those that lost a son, brother, friend... along with the police, EMT, bystanders... the list goes on, so many affected!

I and many others are praying hard today and will continue to. Suicide will not go away with silence. Hug your loved ones extra tight and have a conversation. We need to use our voices, watch our tongues and speak with truth.

http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs637w.htm
PLEASE READ THE LINK AND START TALKING WITH YOUR KIDS TODAY!

Our Prayer for this week: God of power and mercy, you have made death itself the gateway to eternal life. Look with love on our dying brother, and make him one with Your Son in His suffering and death, that, sealed with the blood of Christ, he may come before you free from sin. God, lover of souls, You hold dear what You have made and spare all things, for they are Yours. Look gently upon Your servant, and by the Blood of the corss forgive his sins and failings. Remember the faith of those who mourn and satisfy their longing for that day when all will be made new again in Christ, our risen Lord, who lives and reigns with You forever and ever.~Amen.

~Sara