A Positive Lent

As many of you probably know, this year’s Lent season begins on February 22, 2012.  Traditionally, many of us honor Lent by making a sacrifice of some sort, abstaining from something, fasting, or removing something that we will miss during the 46 days leading up to Easter.  Ideally, the commitments that we make as we honor Lent are made with self-improvement in mind, as we look within ourselves and discover what we may do to better ourselves and our lives as a whole. 

As I was doing some reading regarding spiritually and Lent, I came across a very interesting article that suggested an alternative approach to this time of year.  The article, written by a certain Reverend James Martin, suggested that those who acknowledge the Lenten season should abstain from fasting this year and instead do something, which he refers to as celebrating a positive Lent. 

Specifically, followers are encouraged to practice a “positive” Lent  rather than a “negative” one that emphasizes sacrifice and abstinence, by taking the time to do something good, or as he writes, to “bother to love”. Instead of giving up behaviors or habits that you are trying to kick anyway, why not focus on doing something positive for yourself, or more importantly, for others? Call a friend in need. Visit someone who you know is lonely. Donate your time to something you feel passionate about. Engage in a random act of kindness. Just do something that is good. Bother to show your love.

Reverend James quotes Jesus in the Gospel, saying “It is mercy I desire, not sacrifice.” So whether you are Christian or not, why not take the words of Jesus literally? Bother to share the love that has filled your heart.  Show compassion and mercy to those you encounter.  Pay attention to your loved ones, and bestow the gifts of lovingkindness upon them. Be good to yourself, embrace your own goodness, and allow others to do the same for you.

Perhaps celebrating a positive Lent is something that you are not quite ready for.  Perhaps you prefer a more traditional approach to the season, and you look forward to honoring the holiday in a way that is more familiar to you. Perhaps, you do not celebrate the season at all.  And if that is the case, that is okay.  As for me, though, I feel that a positive Lent is well worth my consideration, because, just as Buddha said, "Kindness is my religion".

So, if you feel moved to do so, take the opportunity that is this Lenten season, and invest your energies in doing something positive.  Be kind.  Do good.  Bother to show your love. 

-El 

"How Deep is the Sea?"

Questions, life is full of questions. Everyday questions, big questions, little questions, life changing questions, more than one answer questions, I could go on and on.

“I love coming here because I get to ask lots of questions” says Diamante my step-niece. She is (was) Adam’s step-daughter. After he passed away she and my two nephews have been spending one night every week with Chris and I. The questions start as soon as the visits and right up to bringing them to school the next morning.

This week she asked “how deep is the sea?” I said “I don’t know, Google what’s the deepest point of the ocean.” Of course she came back with “what’s the difference between the sea and the ocean?” I pulled sometime out of my butt (as Adam called it when I was guessing but not letting on that I was) and said “the sea is closer to land and the ocean is the larger water between continence.” We did Google it later and I was mostly right… see Adam.

Daunte who is 6 and Talon who is 3 were playing under my bed and found a box of Adam pictures. Daunte, with a disgusted look on his face asked “why do you have pictures of MY daddy?” I responded with a smile and “because he’s my brother and I love him.” He followed up with “can I have them?” Daunte doesn’t really care to share his daddy. He’s 6 and just lost his dad, of course he’s going to feel that way.

When bedtime comes around we read and pray. The book Diamante and I are now reading is Cross Purposes. It (not that she needs couching for a question) brings up questions about God, Jesus and faith vs. religion. She comes up with some doozies! Some I answer by saying “I believe or I feel”… there are always questions that I say “I don’t know, I’ve never thought to ask that one.” Last night she came back with “why not, don’t you want to know?”

After saying her prayers, I left her room with tears in my eyes for the reason that she had told me… “You know Sara, Adam dying brought me two good things. Coming here and wanting to know more about God.” (I couldn’t have said it better myself Mante.)

When I was her age or maybe younger, I remember asking my Grandma a question about God. I think it’s safe to say, at the time my grandma didn’t know the answer because she came back with “we don’t question God!” I believe, deep in my heart God wants us to ask questions about him. He wants us to know him and asking questions is how we do that.

Questioning things is how we seek for the truth. So many times in life we get stuck in knowing just what we know. We grow to fit in the small part of the world we live in and sometimes we just don’t have a desire to expand. It’s comfortable.

Today I’m looking at it like this. A few years ago, Chris the wonderful husband he is, built me a large standing cage for my pet snakes. This is a big deal because he doesn’t care much for snakes. Before he built it I had two corn snakes living in a small fish aquarium. They weren’t cramped but they wouldn’t grow much more in the space they were living. Now that they have been moved to the larger cage they have grown about three feet longer. The point I’m trying to make is we get to decide how big our cage is. Our cage is our mind. Our cage is our thoughts. Our cage is the amount of knowledge we hold. Asking questions about any subject is how we grow, how we develop. Uncovering truths is how we expand in life, in the love for ourselves and in the love for what Jesus Christ did for each and every one of us.

“My friends, may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ...” 2 Peter 3:18

Prayer for the week: God of Light and Truth, thank you for giving us a mind that can know and a heart that can love. Help us to keep learning everyday of our lives, for all knowledge leads to you. Let us be aware of your presence in all things and at all times. Grant us the grace to put our mind to use exploring the world you have created, confident that in you there’s a wisdom that is real. We pray this in Jesus’ name. ~Amen

.♥.✿•❥☆.ƸӜƷ¸.☆.♥.✿´❤~Sara

A Journey of a Thousand Miles...

I recently had the good fortune to meet with a group of young women and talk with them about teen pregnancy and single motherhood.  This topic is one that is near and dear to my heart because of my own experiences as a single teen mom. 

As I spoke with the girls, I could not help but reflect on that period of my life.  As I look back on those years, I cannot help but to acknowledge the pain and hardship that I felt as I made my way through life as an eighteen year-old mother.  Yet, as I reflect, I also feel gratitude for the beauty that my children have brought in to my life, and appreciation of the transformation that I began when I first became a mother nearly ten years ago. 

Becoming a mother at such a young age was incredibly difficult. I was lonely much of the time, as I often felt stuck between the two worlds of motherhood and adolescence.  There were many times that I felt lost and scared, unsure of how my life was going to unfold.  And I was often overwhelmed by the adult-like responsibilities I had taken on myself when I decided to become a parent. Yet, becoming a mother at such a young age was by far one of the most incredible things to ever happen to me. I experienced for the first time a love that I was sure would make my heart burst. A pleasure never known to me until I took delight in the tiny person that is my son. A sense of pride, confidence, and self-efficacy that stemmed from turning worldly obstacles into personal triumphs.  And a rewarding fulfillment that could have only come from journey that I had embarked on with my son.

Do you have any journeys like that in your own life? The kind that feels nearly unbearable in its pain? The kind that you aren’t exactly sure how you accomplished what you did? The kind that taught you some of the most valuable life lessons you have ever learned? The kind that, despite the hardship, you would never ever trade for the world? I am willing to bet that in one way or another, you do.  In fact, you might even have more than one.  

However painful those journeys may be been, or still are, for that matter, I am willing to bet that they are also some of the most meaningful experiences you have ever had. They are so meaningful because, in the face of hardship, you have flourished. Your light shone through the darkness because, at some point, you decided that it would. You decided that you will not be overcome by your hardship, and instead you persevered through the best and the worst of your journey. 

These journeys are so meaningful, not only because they have shown us what we are made of, but because they have helped us transform into the beautiful people that they are today.  As you reflect on these journeys today, I encourage you take time to appreciate the hardship that you overcame.  But more importantly, embrace who you are because of them, and cherish the unexpected blessings and beauty that they brought you as well.   

-El

The (Beautiful) Sound of Silence

I have been wanting to get more involved with Wings of hope for a long time.  I think that the organization promotes a lot of inspiration.  Anyways, our one and only, Sara said I could start by blogging if I was interested.  I will give it a shot, but promise it will be my last if there is no need to go further.  Here goes nothing ;)

            Most days driving in my car, I get a chance to sing out my emotions.  This morning I tried but was unsatisfied with the songs played by the radio stations and my CD player.  I didn’t get the chance, but was craving the song, “Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel. I find reason for every type of music that helps me display my deepest thoughts and feelings, but have an even deeper connection with Simon & Garfunkel. I was informally introduced to them by my now deceased twin brother Mitchell Callenius Tokach. Mitch loved the band so when I hear their music it makes me think of him.

 A little disappointed I didn’t physically hear the song I was craving; I got to the school parking lot, turned the key to turn off my engine, and sat.

~Silence~

The lyrics came inside my head as I sang them within myself, “Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again; because a vision softly creeping, left it’s seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.”

As the lyrics crept inside my head my attention splattered priceless movements of Mitchell memories through my brain.  First I saw his ravishing smile, then his hairy chest, his broken crooked pinky finger, his crazy horse hair with a tilted hat, his smoky colored white sox with blue jean shorts.  I envisioned him reaching his arms out to me for a big “Mitchell bear hug.”  He had the biggest smile of happiness without any worry glued to his face.  I began to have a reminiscing memory party with myself.  I saw him side by side with my high school sweetheart at one of my dance line competitions.  I saw him with a miller light can in his hand ready to take on a Saturday night.  I saw him dancing with his new angel friend Adam.  I remembered Last December I asked those boys for some help and my soul busted with appreciation of direction from angels above.          

I was distracted by a cold, damp tear that ever so slightly fell below my lower eyelid.  After a deep breath in, I released my air and took a peek at the clock and figured I should get into the library so I could study for my test.  Ten minutes.  All I took was ten minutes of silence out of my morning and got to see my unforgettable Twin brother and then some.  A sign of recognition that I have angels on my side, and I feel blessed God gave me the gift of Mitchell.

Deep breath and on with my day I entered the library. As I was studying for my test, I came across a nonverbal therapeutic communication technique that can be very effective.  It offers some time after the sender provides information for the receiver to interpret and organize the message before reply.  The technique used was silence.  It is hard in our world sometimes because the sender has a chance of slight anxiety from the receiver not replying right away, but I think silence could be a better way to relay a message when: we are unsure of what someone is talking about, a topic is hard to talk about, or we feel a need to reply back in rage.  In return silence can help us reply back the correct words to help us get our point across, silence can help us have empathy towards a hurting friend, and silence can help us avoid hurtful words towards one another.

Weather your faced with daily life that seems to go by so fast you can’t even remember what day it is ~or~ your faced with a difficult conversation, maybe you want to try soaking in some Silence.  You might not like what comes to your mind, and if you don’t, you have a choice to cover and hide those thoughts again or deal with them so they don’t someday hit you like a ton of bricks.  You might enjoy every second the silence brings you.  If all your ducks are in a row, simply take time in silence to be thankful for the great blessings you have been delivered.  You don’t have to be grieving for silence to help you.  That was just my example, but I have also used silence to have a sense of being.  Sometimes life can feel like it’s the “same stuff different day” and I as a human crave the satisfaction of acceptance, life worth, and a string of “everything will be o.k.”  Taking even ten minutes out of your day to have silence to help you actually take a breath and reflect may help you realize you are good.  You are beautiful.  Life is messy, but it yours.  Own it.  Be not afraid of the fears your silence may make you encounter.  Embrace whatever message the silence delivers.

Take time for yourself: Take time for your silence.

“Silence like a cancer grows, hear the words that I might teach you, and take my arms that I might reach you, but my words, like silent raindrops fall, and echo in the wells of silence”

-Valerina

What do you want to be?

As kids we're asked “so what do YOU want to be when you grow up?” When I ask kids this I see a sparkle in their eye as they announce “I want to be a doctor or I want to be a football player.” Their answer may have come from a suggestion, “if you like animals you should be a veterinarian” or maybe mom or dad is a doctor or maybe their answer is all because of a movie they watched about astronauts. As a kid our answer is about the excitement and the adventure to pretend. Our imaginations have no limits.

As teens we're asked the question like this, “So what do you want to do WITH your life.” That sparkle as a kid turns into feelings of pressure and stress. “How am I going to make a living?” “What kind of life am I going to build?” Pressure to figure life out. What collage to go to, what to major in and how to pay for it. As a teen our answer to this question is over shadowed by the many things that need to be planned, that need to happen, and that need to be done to move forward in life. When I was a teen I was so busy my imagination was left without much attention.

When the stage of our lives turn to getting up for work every day, paying our bills and tending to our daily chores our excitement to turn personal dreams into goals feels like...well work. It seems that as we grow for many of us our imaginations fade. Some will go through life holding a variety of jobs. Some will pick and stick with a career. But is there really a point in one’s life when you stop asking yourself “what do I want to be?” For most of us that “question” never really seems to be satisfied. What answer would satisfy it? What need are we deep down wanting to fulfill? Can anyone ever truly say they are content at any stage of live?

As I ask myself, I discover it’s all in how I look at the question. What I “do” to earn a living is not the answer at all to “What do I want to be?” What kind of job I hold may have some say on my bank statement but its how I see myself and feel about myself that has a real chance to satisfy my hearts desires. I’m realizing an inner need to inspire myself and this inner need wants tending to. It is the type of person I am that truly gives me drive and purpose to get out of bed every morning. The more I aim to spread kindness and compassion the more that old sparkle shines though. Do good, feel good...right?! Right now. It’s this moment that I must live in.

“Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is the things that really satisfy us are totally free: love, laughter, and good relationships.”

I found this list of questions awhile back when researching for Wings of Hope. I find them also helpful for finding personal purpose.

Here are some potent questions to get you started:
· What do you teach others simply by being you?
· What would you spend your time on, even if you didn’t get paid to do it?
· What do you find yourself researching and can’t stop yourself from learning more about?
· Is there anything you would consider yourself an expert in? If not, is there anything you’d like to be an expert in?
· What gifts do you have that you’d like to make available to the world?
· What do you want to change?
· What lessons do you often find yourself repeating in life?
· How does your purpose impact your local community? How does it impact your family? Your friends? The world?
What does your tribe (the people you most connect with) look like? What do you identify with on a collective level?
· What legacy do you want to leave behind when you’re gone?

Have you asked yourself... “Do I have purpose?” Because when you stop and think about it, purpose does make life pretty amazing. Remember that even if you’re thinking big, it’s the small things you do every day that make a difference.

Fearlessly walk your path.

Prayer for the week: God You have a divine purpose and design for everything. Rain and snow give water to the earth, bringing forth new Life. Because of this we can eat and drink; in turn, we give You thanksgiving. God, we know You made us on Purpose. This we are certain. We are here on Purpose for You, to do Your Will. Our desire is to please You, to follow You. Our minds are open, our hearts are willing and our bodies are able. Ever Loving Father, we ask you to fill our spirit with Your Holy Spirit so that we may hear and see; do and speak what is pleasing to You. We pray this in Jesus’ name. ~Amen


.♥.✿•❥☆.ƸӜƷ¸.☆.♥.✿´❤~Sara

The Three C's

As a life and wellness coach, one of the many things that I do on a regular basis is help my clients as they implement positive changes in their lives.  The changes that are made look different for each and every client, of course, but there is always one common denominator in the work that they do:  They must take it upon themselves to change something that they are thinking, feeling, or doing in order to feel more satisfied with themselves and the lives that they lead.  Most simply stated, they must have the courage to make a choice, or their life will never change.

And these choices, this change does indeed take courage.  As I have said many times in previous columns, change is rarely easy.   Change can be scary.  Change can be confusing.  And sometimes, change is none of these things and it is just different.  When we have been doing things “our way” for so long, it is not easy to relinquish our perception of control, to ask for help, and to simply imagine doing things differently than we have done before, much less knowing what to do and actually following through with it. 

And because of the difficulty that often accompanies change, I am continuously moved by the courage that people display as they make new choices in hopes of bettering themselves.  To take their lives into their own hands and create their own destiny. To show vulnerability as they share their stories.  And to ask for help, guidance, and gentle direction as they move forward.  I admire their willingness to face uncertainty and try to do something differently.  I am proud of them when they display new insight and awareness as they learn things about themselves, change their perspective, and turn obstacles into triumphs.  I am excited for them when I see that they have made a conscious decision to create happier, healthier lifestyle, and begin making positive changes that support their choice to do so.

I have the utmost appreciation for people that live with such intention because of the courage that is required to do so.  Because of the leap of faith they are taking.  The acceptance that has been displayed.  The willingness to falter, be imperfect, and rise above their struggles.  And the bravery it takes to do all these things while also being just who they are and aspiring to evolve.

Just as I said last week, the journey of life does not happen in our comfort zone.  There are times in our lives that we will have the courage to make the choice to venture out to unknown territory and test our limits.  Times that we bravely learn what we are made of and discover who we are and what incredible feats we are capable of.  Times that we boldly move forward, making the decision to change our lives for the better. 

-El

"Today my best friend slapped me."

I just love this story. I'm not sure where it comes from but I first heard it shortly after we lost Adam. How it impacted me then and what its meaning has done for me lately has left peaceful feelings on my heart. I'm blessed by its simple truths and I share it now in hopes that it will bring comforting light to those that read it.

Two friends were walking in the desert. Along the way they had an argument and one of them slapped the other in the face. The one that was slapped was deeply hurt but without saying a word, bent and wrote on the sand, “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME”.

Soon the friends came to an Oasis where they decided to take a bath. The one who had earlier been slapped got stuck in the mud and was drowning. His friend reached out to him and pulled him out thus saving his life. After he had recovered, he sought out a stone and engraved on it the following, “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND HAS SAVED MY LIFE”.

His friend asked him, “after I slapped & hurt you, you wrote on sand and now that I’ve saved your life you engrave on stone, why??” He replied, “when someone hurts us we should always write the wrong on sand where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away; but when we are blessed with goodness and kindness we must engrave this on stone where no wind can ever erase it”.

Have you ever been hurt? Maybe by a parent who didn't offer the love and affection you felt you needed. A child who disappointed you. The break-up of a relationship. A work colleague who betrayed you. A teacher who embarrassed you in front of the class. A friend who stabbed you in the back or a rumor that damaged your reputation. Or maybe it wasn't a person that hurt you but some circumstance or event that has pained you. A tragic accident, the death of a loved one, a financial crisis, losing your job or suffering a sickness.

I'm learning to except that life will have moments of pain, moments of confusion and most of life is a challenge of sorts. As long as we have breath in our bodies we are all at risk of being hurt. Weather foreseen or unexpected these hurts are real and each of us are affected with feelings of real pain.

Anger, shame, anxiety, fear, worry, sadness, your reaction to these pains may manifest themselves in a number of ways depending on where you are, who you are with and what they might say to you, good intended or not. From skepticism and suspicion, to anger and revenge, to withdrawal and depression... Pain can be both emotional and physical. I've learned there are only two ways in dealing with the hurts of my heart.

I can either... Harbor the hurt, or heal the hurt God's way. The winds of forgiveness cannot remove my hurts unless I offer them to my creator.

Internalizing these hurts, challenges and pain makes every situation weigh more. Hand over the weight to God. Do your best in keeping your heart full of peace and find comfort in knowing we are not meant to understand everything around us. Go to Him to remove the heaviness from your heart. He's given us his Son, Jesus Christ, as a tool.

To move a pile of dirt with a spoon would be painstaking but use a wheelbarrow (Jesus) and the task is bearable and rewarding.

Too often we do harbor our hurt. Not quite sure what to do, we tuck this hurt away in our souls... unaware that it has a life of its own. Be assured that God understands our initial reactions just as a loving father does when his child is injured. This is not to imply that God would ever turn a blind eye to sin, but He is well acquainted with our frailty and listens with compassion to the cry of our heart (Heb. 4:14-16).

Our prayer for this week is: Faultless Lord, enduring death for us, You have consummated the debt of our sins. Your sacrifice of forgiveness was absolute! Grant us the strength to also forgive ourselves, others, and the sins of the world. So we may truly reflect your spiritual goodness, Your love for us. Let each trespass end as a closing chapter, our continuing on the road to Your righteousness. Forgive our sins as we aspire to forgive others. You are truly the model of forgiveness. We pray this in Jesus’ name. ~Amen.

.♥.✿•❥☆.ƸӜƷ¸.☆.♥.✿´❤~Sara