Resources!

Many of us have been through a difficult time at some point in our lives. And many of us were fortunate enough to have come across a resource or two that helped us out.

Wings of Hope is compiling a resource list for such trying times, and we would very much APPRECIATE any recommendations that you can give us!

Think: Books, Videos, Websites, Groups, Agencies, People. You name it! If it helped you, tell us about it.

Once there was an elderly carpenter who was preparing to retire. He had been in the industry for many years, and while he was once quite talented and passionate about is work, he no longer felt fulfilled by his career and knew that it was time to make a change. So, he went to work one day and told his employer of his plans to leave the business in pursuit of a more leisurely life.

Of course, the employer was sorry to see this accomplished worker go, but he understood the change he sought and he wished him well on this new chapter of his life. Before bidding him his final farewell, however, the employer asked the old builder that he build one more home as a personal favor home to him. The carpenter agreed to grant him this request and slowly began working on his last project. Over time, though, it became apparent that his heart was not in his work: he dreaded coming to work each morning, he often left early, and he resorted to shoddy workmanship. Even the employer was saddened to watch him work, as it was a very unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter had finally finished his work, he called his employer to inspect the house. After thoroughly reviewing the home, the employer handed the key to the front door to the carpenter and said, “My friend, you are a fine builder and a prize employee. This home is yours. It is my gift to you!”

The carpenter was shocked. “What a shame!” he thought. Had he only known that he was building his own retirement home, he would have done it all so differently. He would have cared more about the outcome.

And so it is in real life, is it not? We are the carpenters, and each day we build our lives, one day at a time, often putting less than our best effort into our work. And then, with great shock and regret, we realize that we must live in the house that we have built for ourselves. We look back at our work and wish that we would have been more diligent. We think to ourselves, “If only I had known, I would have done it so differently.”

But, of course, we cannot go back. Instead, we must live in the homes that we have built for ourselves. We must carry on and learn to appreciate and find beauty in even our shabbiest work, and perfect our skill with each project. This thing called life is a do-it-yourself project, and the choices we make today is what lays the foundation and builds upon our homes of tomorrow.

El

Resistance Makes the Heart Grow Stronger

Fun fact:  I almost never remember my dreams.  However, when I do, I am usually in flight.  Ever since I was quite young, in fact, my preferred mode of transportation while dreaming has been flying.  I had not thought much about this dream-theme of mine until I studied dream analysis in college and learned that dream flying is considered the perfect metaphor for living the soul’s longing, or life purpose.  Upon learning that, I did a forehead slap and thought to myself, “Duh!”  The symbolism is unmistakable:  For many, flight is associated with freedom, ascension, exhilaration, and peace.  Yet, not ironically, many of us have a fear of flying.  The idea of free-falling, losing control, letting go, and most obviously, the hard landing is incredibly frightening.  The metaphor still holds true, does it not? 

And so it is with fulfilling our life purpose, for doing so involves navigating obstacles, conquering incredible feats, and then making a conscious choice to evolve and grow.  Living out our soul’s longing means choosing the challenge of change over the difficulty of remaining the same while conquering fear and overcoming resistance every step of the way. 

If you have ever set out to accomplish something meaningful, you will know that resistance is an inescapable part of the journey.  And if you are anything like the rest of us, you have likely experienced resistance as an adversary.  And this was likely so because you did not understand your resistance well enough to make it your ally.  You tried to avoid, persist, and resist, rather than carry on with intention, commitment, surrender, and trust.  Because resistance really is nothing but a form of fear and insecurity, we are much better off examining it with self-awareness and honesty, getting to know it, and thus better understanding ourselves.  For the sooner we are able to do that, the sooner we are able to live out our higher aspirations. 

So in practice, what can we do about the resistance we experience?  We can start by being mindful of all the big and little things that distract us and slow us down as we set out to do the things that our hearts are telling us to do.  Notice when you procrastinate, when you make excuses, when you are highly defended, and take note of the things that you worry about.  Likewise, acknowledge any patterns that you discover, the limitations you perceive, and the strength of your resistance, and remember that most often, the greater the resistance surrounding a particular longing, the more important it likely is.

As you make a habit of examining your resistance and get comfortable with it, you will become increasingly aware and empowered to move beyond these distractions and forge ahead into the creative and authentic territory of your soul.  With more and more ease, you will bring your mind, body, and spirit into alignment and make decisions during each and every moment that support your higher purpose.  And ultimately, you will feel at home with yourself as you fly, and live a life of conviction, intention, and peace. 

-El

What are you so afraid of?

Several weeks ago, in my yoga study, I was given the assignment to journal and reflect on the connection between love and fear.  Our homework began with the task of taking note of the what we are afraid of as well as the things that we love.  We were reminded that our feelings of fear and love come in many forms:  our fear may be experienced as fright, anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity, while love may be expressed as demonstrations of emotional investment, passion, fondness, or true love itself.  After mindfully noting such emotions, we were instructed to analyze our feelings to decipher what exactly our attachment is, with the intention of detaching just a bit, and thus gaining a new perspective on life or a deeper understanding ourselves. 

This assignment is based on the theory that fear and love are the only basic emotions that we feel, and everything else stems from them:  greed stems from a fear of lacking, anger from a fear of perceived threat, humor stems from a love of the lighthearted, joy stems from a fulfilled love of some sort, and so on.  And while you may or may not agree with this theorizing, my homework showed me that there is a definite connection between love and fear.  That every single day we experience some kind of love.  Likewise, each and every day we encounter something that we fear.    

…If you take a moment to think about what that means for you personally, you will likely discover that there is a connection for you as well.  And as you see fear as an attachment to something you love, you may also find that fear itself is not be so scary after all.  Of course, there are plenty frightening things that may or may exist, that may or may not happen to us in our lives, but fear itself is nothing more than a feeling.  It is just one of many emotions that we may feel at any given time.  It is natural, it is okay, and it is useful.  Fear is always looking out for our best interest.  It demands our attention, warning us of potential threats, and it guides us toward safety and security. 

However, because fear is just an emotion, and it is just like the rest of them, it is up to us to be aware of our feelings, prioritize them, and act on those that best serve our higher purpose, even in the face of fear so that we do not become its prisoner.   So when we feel frightened, what might we do?  It seems to me that before we do anything, we should slow down and acknowledge our fear.  Really examine it.  Take note of it has to say, and ask ourselves if that is worth listening to or if we are better off ignoring it.  And then, we can make one of two choices.  We can choose to do what fear tells us to do, at the risk of doing nothing.  Or, we can remember the words of Franklin Roosevelt, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself,” and call upon our courage and act anyway.

-El 

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

As the old adage goes, “You can’t make a square peg fit in a round hole.”  Most of us know exactly what this saying means:  You cannot force something (or most often, someone) to be something that it is not.  We cannot make a square peg  fit any better into a round hole by thinking that the hole should be square or wanting the peg to be round.  Instead, we are much better suited to focus on and tend to what actually is, rather than wasting our precious resources fretting about the way things should or should not be.  And while most of us would agree with this reasoning, it is certainly easier said than done. 

When we are honest with ourselves and examine how we view the world, the majority of us would have to admit that we have a relatively clear idea of how things should be.  Whether we are talking about ourselves, other people, the ways of the world, or something different entirely, it seems that we all have some kind of definition of what should and should not be happening.  We have our ideals, our beliefs, and our way of making sense of the world, and it reasonably follows that we would like to live in a world that supports our views.    

And I think this is quite natural.  As humans, it is natural to have personal preferences and aversions.  It is even natural to want things to be “our way”.  To see the world through our very own eyes.  To have a few expectations here and there.  To have a compass of sorts, that helps guide us toward betterment, as we see fit.

And while this may be entirely natural, and even beneficial, it is not always in our best interest.  For when we become attached to our ideals and fixate on the way that things should be in favor of how things really are, we become frustrated and upset.  We might even pass unfair judgments based on our biased perspectives and unmet expectations.  As we cling to how things should be, we project them onto the world at large.  And when that happens, we react to what we think should exist, rather than acknowledging what actually does.  And this, of course, sets us up for further disappointment. 

However, when are able to detach from these “should bes” and take the world as it is, in a more objective light, we are better able to accept and respond to life as it truly is.  Instead of being obscured by ideals, we understand the facts.  Rather than focusing on what is missing, or what we would like to find, we deal with what is actually present.  And this is empowering, because it helps us clarify and illuminate what is within our power to change, and what is not.  And that is what allows us to integrate our ideals with our reality, live in the here and now, and interact with life as fully as possible. 

-El

When Worst Comes to Worst

This week’s column is about a term that I like to refer to as “horrible-izing”.  If you are not familiar with the idea of horrible-izing, it can be defined as one’s tendency to focus on the worst of things.   For example, a person may be engaging in the act of horrible-izing if they overemphasize the negative side of life  Likewise, those that horrible-ize are those that ruminate, worry about worst possible outcomes, the dreaded “what ifs”, and tend to view undesirable situations as the “end of the world”. 

If we are honest with ourselves, most of us must admit that we horrible-ize from time to time, particularly when we are feeling anxious about an upcoming situation or a troublesome circumstance that we have encountered.  We fall into the trap of thinking about how badly things might go, how awful it would be for us if these events actually occurred, and we forget to take it one step further and consider what we might actually do  should these things really take place.  We might even get so wrapped up in our anxiety that we begin to worry that our life will be forever altered in some catastrophic way. 

If you would, take a moment to think about something in your life that is upsetting, anxiety-provoking, or unsettling.  Perhaps you are facing a transition in a relationship and you are unsure of how to move forward.  Perhaps you have committed yourself to something that is a significant undertaking.  Perhaps you have recently encountered a situation in life that you are unsure of how to handle.  Or, perhaps, you tend to experience smaller triggers on a more regular basis and you have become accustomed to feeling reactive, tightly wound, or shaken up. Or, perhaps something entirely different has come to mind

Regardless of what you thought of, I would like you to think about how you think about those things.  Take a minute or two and horrible-ize.  Think about the worst of the worst, no matter what that may be. 

Then, take note of what came to mind.  I am willing to bet that you stopped short at the worst case scenario and you went no further.  If that is the case, I would like to challenge you to change your thinking.  Rather than focusing on the bad things that could happen and stopping there, take one step beyond and imagine how you might live through and overcome such an obstacle.  Instead of obsessing about the possibility of something bad happening, ask yourself how probable it is that your worries come true.  Ask yourself if this is something that you could live through, and if so, how would life look?  Would it be that bad? 

Finally, compare these two thought processes and decide for yourself which one you would rather invest your energies in to.  Take into account that “what we think about, we bring about”, and remember that your thoughts and your perspective on life will always be your choice.   

-El

When Things Aren't Adding Up...

“When things aren’t adding up in life, it is time to start subtracting.”

I came across this quote a few weeks ago, and was struck by how much it resonated with me.  As I reflected on the simplicity of the quote and what it means to me personally, I realized that I have lived my entire adult life in a state of perpetual action.  As I apply this quote to myself and the numerous aspects of my very busy life, I see that I am quite good at adding, I do rather well at maintaining, but rarely do I subtract.  It is no wonder that my life does not always add up. 

I imagine, readers, that the majority of you can relate to what I have described.  I would imagine that you are no strangers to the busy-ness of life.  That the feeling of being spread out too thin is one that you know rather well.  That you have described yourself as feeling stressed, exhausted, or overwhelmed at some point in the recent past.  And if you can identify with these feelings in one way or another, I would also imagine that you can relate to the quote that began this column.  That there are times in your life when things just are not adding up for you.  That there are times when you need to subtract. 

And yet, even if you can relate to these feelings, the idea of subtracting can be a difficult one to employ.  After all, we apply ourselves to the things that we do because we care about them in some meaningful way.  Because we have a vested interest in them.  Because we have made a promise to someone, or we feel a sense of personal commitment or responsibility to the people involved or the outcome at stake.  Because we feel driven by a sense of obligation, pressure, or guilt to do what is expected of us. And because of these contrasting feelings, it is natural for us to be unsure of even where to begin or to resist the idea of subtraction all together, despite our need for a more simplified life. 

So as you reflect on today’s quote and what it means to you personally, I encourage you to think about how you might simplify your own life.  As you take an inventory of what you give yourself to, consider also what you get back from those things.  Which areas of your life fill you up in some meaningful way?  And conversely, which areas tend to be more taxing, or stress-inducing, than they are fulfilling?  What areas of your life do you feel that you can or cannot live without?  And what might be able to live without you?  How you might you feel with “less” in your life, and what would you do with that time and energy?  How might other aspects of your life benefit from a more wholehearted investment of yourself? 

As you consider these questions and reflect on the value of a more simplified life, I hope that the answers you discover are simple in and of themselves, and I hope that they offer you gentle guidance toward a more simplified yet rewarding life. 

-El