Easy Doesn't Do It

My sister recently sent me an article entitled, “Struggle for Smarts”. The author opened his article with a story about a fourth grade classroom in Japan. In this story, the teacher was teaching his class how to draw three-dimensional cubes. As he observed the class, the author noticed that one of the boys was struggling with the concept and appeared unable to draw the cube correctly. The teacher noticed this as well and invited the youngster to draw the cube on the board in front of the class. Doing as he was instructed, the boy went to the front of the class, and drew the cube to the best of his ability, but he still could not complete the cube correctly. After his first try, the teacher asked the class, “How does that look?” The class confirmed that it was drawn incorrectly, so he tried again. Every few minutes, the teacher would ask the class if he had gotten it right, and each time, the students would look up from their work and shake their heads “no”. As the hour went on, and the boy had still not completed the cube correctly, the author realized that he had begun to perspire as he watched the boy anxiously and worried that he would become discouraged and begin to cry.

But, to his surprise, he did not. He diligently persisted, drawing his cube incorrectly each time. Try after try, he continued to draw his cube until, , he had gotten it right. And when he had finally drawn the cube with mastery, the class broke into applause and he was able to return to his seat with pride.

Like the author of this article, many of us become uncomfortable when we imagine this young boy struggling in front of his peers in such a way. We think, “Why would the teacher do that to him, knowing that he was unable to draw the cube correctly? That poor boy! I feel so badly for him!” Yet, while this boy was struggling to master the task of drawing of the cube, it does not appear that he was struggling emotionally. So why is it that we assume that he was? And why is it that we ourselves shift uncomfortably and feel badly for this boy who struggled to learn something new? It seems that many of us tend to view struggle as an indicator that we, or someone else, is lacking or “less than” in some important way. That we are not as intelligent, not as capable, not as resilient as we “should be”. That because we do not have it figured out yet, we are missing a skill or trait that we should otherwise possess.

Yet, if we were to adopt a perspective that is similar to the Japanese classroom, we would realize that struggle is an inherent and predictable part of life. It is part of learning, part of mastering a skill, part of figuring things out and finding our way. As this classroom knows, to struggle is not a sign of weakness. Rather, to struggle is to be presented with yet another opportunity to overcome challenge and to learn. To struggle is an opportunity to be proud of ourselves and satisfied with our efforts as we work through something difficult and overcome an obstacle.

-El

The Raft

As the New Year approaches, many of us will be reflecting on the days gone by of 2012, recalling both times that have warmed our hearts and hard lessons learned.  Likewise, many of us will be looking ahead to 2013, welcoming the upcoming year with open arms and anticipating the great fortunate of another year of life. 

So, as you transition into this New Year, whether you are looking behind to 2012 or ahead into 2013, please consider the following Buddhist parable: 

A young man, who has been traveling for many days, has become trapped on one side of the river.  On this side of the river, there is great danger and uncertainty, and on the other, there is safety.  Of course, to continue on his journey, he must leave this dangerous side of the river and brave the water in hopes of reaching the safety of the other side.  However, as he surveys the land, he realizes that there is no ferry to bring him across the river, and no bridge spanning the water.  As he takes stock of his own belongings, he is reminded that he has only the clothes on his back, the shoes on his feet, and a small number of survival tools in his knapsack.  After sifting through his knapsack, however, he realizes that he has everything he needs to build a small raft to help him reach the other side.  So, he diligently gathers logs, leaves, vines, and mud, and fashions a raft that will float him across the river.  When the raft is complete, the man drags it to the bank of the river, climbs atop, and using his hands and feet, paddles himself to the other side of the river to safety.   

Imagine that you are this man, and you have just paddled yourself across the river to the banks of safety.  What is it that you will do next?  Do you bring your raft with you and carry it across your back, thinking to yourself, “This raft has served me so well in the past, and I am rather fond of it.  I will be so happy to have it, should I need it again”?  Or, do you lay the raft down gratefully and leave it behind, thinking, “This raft has served me so well.  I am so fortunate to have been able to use it!  Should I need it again, I now know that I have everything I need to build another one”?

…Most of us would agree that the second option is the wisest.  While it would be nice to have a raft should we need it in the future, we see that it would be rather cumbersome to carry the raft with us and that doing so would undoubtedly slow us down as we continue on our journey.  And, we have learned, much like the man in our story, that there is no need to burden ourselves with things such as this raft, because we do indeed carry with us everything we need to continue on our path, no matter what it is that we encounter. 

So, as you journey into 2013, I encourage you to take inventory of yourself and your “belongings”.  As you do so, remember that most things, like the raft, are meant to be used to “cross over”, rather than to be carried with us.  

-El

This Christmas

Once again, Christmas is upon us, and many of us are finding ourselves immersed in holiday cheer and excitement, magical festivities, heartwarming traditions, and the sheer goodness that seems to accompany the holiday season.

Each year, as I begin preparing for the holidays, I ask my children to write a letter to Santa Claus. In their letters, they of course take care to include their holiday wish list. This year, my four year-old daughter asked Santa for the following things:

1. A kitten (brand new)

2. Someone to come out of the TV (maybe Dora and Diego)

3. A huge motorcycle machine that drives me off in pretty clothes

4. To slide down a rainbow

5. To climb a mountain

6. A make-up party

7. Sticky gloves to stick on the walls and climb the ceiling

8. Run super-fast in the really far woods

9. My own money. That is pink

10. A phone that I call someone for real

11. A brand new costume that is everything

…Fortunately for Santa and I, her list included thirteen additional items that are a bit more feasible in terms of holiday gift-giving, while my ten year-old son created a list of five items, such as Legos and DS games, that he would like to receive from Santa Claus. To be fair, I asked my husband to do the same, and after several days of deliberation, he was able to think of one thing that he would like for Christmas. I, on the other hand, am still thinking of something tangible that I would like to receive this year.

As I reviewed my family’s wish lists, I could not help but to reflect upon the experience of Christmas, and the transformation it undergoes as we mature. As four year-olds, we are much like my daughter. We are in awe of the magical wonderland that is Christmas, believing in such beautiful things as the selfless charity of a timeless old man, the flight of his eight tiny reindeer, and the possibility of even our wildest dreams coming true. As we grow older, however, it seems that we slowly lose touch with this fantastical side of ourselves. Instead, we gravitate toward things that are more realistic in nature, more tangible, and less whimsical. We forgo our imagination, intuition, and creativity in favor of relying on our logic, reason, and practicality, and before we know it, we have become immersed in a reality that reflects our idled dreams. Our Christmas, then, is no longer a time of magic and wonder. Rather, it has become a time of hustle, bustle, stuff, and stress.

Of course, I fully recognize that at least some part of ourselves must operate in the realistic realm. However, I do encourage you to adopt your inner four year-old this season, and rediscover the magic of Christmas and the beauty of your every-day life.

-El

I am my problem, and I am also my solution.

A few weekends ago, my son found me buried under a pile of books, pouring over my notes and typing away on my computer.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Homework,” I told him.

“Homework!?” he asked.  “Now what for?”

“Yoga training,” I told him.

He watched me for a moment longer before saying, “Mom, remember when you were stressed out about everything that you have to do all the time?”

“Yes?” I replied.

“Well, no offense,” he said, “But you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.  It is kind of your own fault”.

…My son has this fabulous way of rendering me speechless from time to time.  He makes these wonderful observations, and then he finds these incredibly simplistic yet profound and blatantly honest ways of telling me like it is.  He calls it like he sees it, and far more often than not, he is right.  He holds up a mirror for me to gaze in to just when I seem to need it most, forcing me to stop dead in my tracks and reconsider what I have been up to.  As I do so, I often find myself adopting a new perspective and approaching life from a slightly new angle.  He tends to begin many of said statements of truth with the dreaded No Offense, saying “No offense, Mom, but…” and then the words that follow are some eye-opening observation that he has made.  As I listen to him, it is as if I am dying to know what brilliant statement he is about to make, while simultaneously bracing myself for some tough love.

Yet, even if he does make me wince from time to time, his insight really is a beautiful thing.  Because every time he demonstrates a bit of such wisdom, he serves as a reminder that “I am my problem, and I am also my solution.”  He reminds me that it is I that am the one stressing myself out.  It is I that has the tendency to take on the world.  And it is I that am the only one who can do anything about it, whether I keep on keepin’ on, or I give myself a break.  He reminds me that, for better or for worse, I am up to me, and I had better take responsibility for myself. No matter the problem I am faced with, I must bear in mind that I represent some part of the problem, if not the whole thing.  And, I must care for that part of myself differently if I am to reach a resolution. 

So, today, I challenge you, readers, to take such a look at your life.  And as you do, reflect on how you have become your own problem.  Of course, do  not be hard on yourself, but rather, acknowledge the tendencies you have that might perpetuate issues in your life.  And most importantly, ask yourself what you can do differently to become your own solution. 

-El

Ah-Ooo

Consider the following passage: 

One evening an elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandson about life.  He said to him, “A fight is going on inside me.  It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.

One is Evil.

 It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, dishonesty, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good.

 It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The elder told his grandson of how these two wolves engage in constant battle, and he said, “My dear boy, this same fight is going on inside you.  And it is going on inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about his grandfather’s words for a moment, and then he asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied matter-of-factly, “The one you feed.”

…I have come across this passage numerous times over the past few years, and each time I read it, I find myself asking, “Which wolf have I been feeding lately?”

Like most of you, readers, I like to think that I spend most of my energies feeding the good wolf.  I like to think this because I believe that our thoughts really do make our world.  I believe in maintaining an optimistic outlook on life, and I believe in the power of love, kindness, peace, authenticity and all other traits that the Cherokee elder said the good wolf embodied.  And because I believe in this, I also believe that investing my energies in the good wolf will undoubtedly lead me to a more fulfilling reality than its evil counterpart ever will. 

Yet, if I am to be completely honest with myself, I must admit that the evil wolf has gotten the best of me from time to time.  By investing my energy and feeding into this evil wolf, I have allowed it to cloud my perspective, harbor hard feelings, and lead me astray.  Again, if our thoughts make our world, feeding the bad wolf, and thus allowing him to win, will lead to nothing but discontent. 

…I encourage you to take a moment out of your day today and think about which wolf you have been feeding lately.  Is your good wolf, your wolf of love, strength, honesty, compassion, and benevolence, alive and well?   I hope for you that it is.  However, if you find that your evil wolf of insecurity, anger, sorrow, resentment, or self-pity has become more powerful, remember that you have the power to change that.  By feeding the good wolf and investing yourself in positive thoughts, feelings, and actions, the return on your investment will surely be more rewarding than anything that the bad wolf will ever have to offer.    

-El

Vote!

It is an election year, as I am sure you are well aware.  And as I am sure you well know, Election Day is right around the corner.  Soon, the campaigns that have been flooding our eyes and ears will come to an end, and we will instead hear and read about the results of the election, the success of one political party over another, and the impending changes that are about to take effect.  And inevitably, we will also have an opportunity to voice our opinions, and consider those that have been shared by others, regarding the perceived well-being of our nation, its people, and our future as American citizens. 

Like many of you, I have partaken in numerous political discussions over the past few weeks, and I have read and overheard even more than I have participated in.  In doing so, I have listened to people as they passionately express their political beliefs and their adamant intentions of voting for the party they believe in,  formulating an argument for and against one party or the other, their representing candidates, and the numerous issues that will be on the ballot this year.  And on the contrary, I have heard countless people say that they do not intend to vote at all because they feel torn on an issue or they do not support either candidate this election year. 

As I listen to these arguments and discussions, I cannot help but to consider my own beliefs and opinions about what is “best” for our nation as I see it.  Yet regardless of my own political beliefs, and whether or not they are in agreement with others, I do think that it is important to vote.  I think that, as a members of a democracy, it is important to take this opportunity to raise our voice by casting our vote and advocate for what we believe in.

When I was twenty-one years old, I had my first opportunity to vote in a presidential election, though I was uncertain of my political beliefs.  Unsure of who I would vote for, I told my dad that I would sit this one out.  Upon hearing that, my father brought me up to speed on both candidates and he urged me to vote for who best represented my personal beliefs.  After he did so, he told me, “Ellie, it is important to vote.  Voting is a responsibility, an obligation, and a privilege a citizen of this country.”

I believe my father is right.  No matter your political beliefs, do cast your vote this Tuesday.  See to it that you fulfill your responsibility of advocating for what you believe in and know that you are privileged to have such an opportunity to do so.   

-El

Step By Step

When I was very young, my family spent a few days vacationing at Itasca State Park.  I was only four or five years old at the time, and I remember very little about the trip.  In fact, the only thing I remember about that summer vacation at all is visiting the source of the Mississippi River. I know that my mother and my sister were with me, I assume that my father was too, and if my memory serves me correctly, I was also accompanied by my aunt and my three cousins.  I don’t remember how we had spent that morning or the afternoon, nor do I remember arriving to the park.  Rather, my memory begins and ends with me being in what seemed to be the middle of the Mississippi River, carefully stepping from one slippery stone to another, as I tried to make my way across the water and to the shore.  My sister may have played alongside me, my mother may have encouraged me as I went, and I likely lost my footing from time to time.  However, if these things did occur, I do not remember them.  I remember one thing and one thing only:  carefully, yet clumsily, making my way across that mighty river. 

Of course, this memory is hardly remarkable.  But I do think that it represents an unmistakable metaphor for the journey that is life.  For, it is so often that we find ourselves in the middle of somewhere (or, nowhere for that matter) not knowing how we got there, or where exactly we intend to go.  We may not know what step it is that we are going to take next, and we may feel completely uncertain how, much less where, our feet will land as we put one foot in front of the other and carry on.  Yet, we continue to move forward, despite our uncertainty.  And we have faith that our journey will lead us to where we need to be.  For now. 

Much like in my memory of walking across the source of the Mississippi River, sometimes it is not our destination that matters most.  And paradoxically, sometimes it is not the particulars of the journey that is most important either.  Rather, sometimes, it is the faith that we have in ourselves and the forward movement that we are making in the face of uncertainty that is most valuable to us at that time.   

So, if you find yourself stumbling from stone to stone, and you feel unsure about where it is that you are heading, do not lose heart.  Remember that progress is not only measured by the direction we are heading, nor does happiness always depend upon the shore that we reach.  In fact, it is not even the stones that we step on that most determine our outcome.  Rather, what is most important during these times is the courage to act despite apprehension, the ability to persevere despite difficulty, and the faith that who we are and what we are made of is greater than any obstacle we may encounter. 

-El