Ah-Ooo

Consider the following passage: 

One evening an elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandson about life.  He said to him, “A fight is going on inside me.  It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.

One is Evil.

 It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, dishonesty, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good.

 It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The elder told his grandson of how these two wolves engage in constant battle, and he said, “My dear boy, this same fight is going on inside you.  And it is going on inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about his grandfather’s words for a moment, and then he asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied matter-of-factly, “The one you feed.”

…I have come across this passage numerous times over the past few years, and each time I read it, I find myself asking, “Which wolf have I been feeding lately?”

Like most of you, readers, I like to think that I spend most of my energies feeding the good wolf.  I like to think this because I believe that our thoughts really do make our world.  I believe in maintaining an optimistic outlook on life, and I believe in the power of love, kindness, peace, authenticity and all other traits that the Cherokee elder said the good wolf embodied.  And because I believe in this, I also believe that investing my energies in the good wolf will undoubtedly lead me to a more fulfilling reality than its evil counterpart ever will. 

Yet, if I am to be completely honest with myself, I must admit that the evil wolf has gotten the best of me from time to time.  By investing my energy and feeding into this evil wolf, I have allowed it to cloud my perspective, harbor hard feelings, and lead me astray.  Again, if our thoughts make our world, feeding the bad wolf, and thus allowing him to win, will lead to nothing but discontent. 

…I encourage you to take a moment out of your day today and think about which wolf you have been feeding lately.  Is your good wolf, your wolf of love, strength, honesty, compassion, and benevolence, alive and well?   I hope for you that it is.  However, if you find that your evil wolf of insecurity, anger, sorrow, resentment, or self-pity has become more powerful, remember that you have the power to change that.  By feeding the good wolf and investing yourself in positive thoughts, feelings, and actions, the return on your investment will surely be more rewarding than anything that the bad wolf will ever have to offer.    

-El

Vote!

It is an election year, as I am sure you are well aware.  And as I am sure you well know, Election Day is right around the corner.  Soon, the campaigns that have been flooding our eyes and ears will come to an end, and we will instead hear and read about the results of the election, the success of one political party over another, and the impending changes that are about to take effect.  And inevitably, we will also have an opportunity to voice our opinions, and consider those that have been shared by others, regarding the perceived well-being of our nation, its people, and our future as American citizens. 

Like many of you, I have partaken in numerous political discussions over the past few weeks, and I have read and overheard even more than I have participated in.  In doing so, I have listened to people as they passionately express their political beliefs and their adamant intentions of voting for the party they believe in,  formulating an argument for and against one party or the other, their representing candidates, and the numerous issues that will be on the ballot this year.  And on the contrary, I have heard countless people say that they do not intend to vote at all because they feel torn on an issue or they do not support either candidate this election year. 

As I listen to these arguments and discussions, I cannot help but to consider my own beliefs and opinions about what is “best” for our nation as I see it.  Yet regardless of my own political beliefs, and whether or not they are in agreement with others, I do think that it is important to vote.  I think that, as a members of a democracy, it is important to take this opportunity to raise our voice by casting our vote and advocate for what we believe in.

When I was twenty-one years old, I had my first opportunity to vote in a presidential election, though I was uncertain of my political beliefs.  Unsure of who I would vote for, I told my dad that I would sit this one out.  Upon hearing that, my father brought me up to speed on both candidates and he urged me to vote for who best represented my personal beliefs.  After he did so, he told me, “Ellie, it is important to vote.  Voting is a responsibility, an obligation, and a privilege a citizen of this country.”

I believe my father is right.  No matter your political beliefs, do cast your vote this Tuesday.  See to it that you fulfill your responsibility of advocating for what you believe in and know that you are privileged to have such an opportunity to do so.   

-El

Step By Step

When I was very young, my family spent a few days vacationing at Itasca State Park.  I was only four or five years old at the time, and I remember very little about the trip.  In fact, the only thing I remember about that summer vacation at all is visiting the source of the Mississippi River. I know that my mother and my sister were with me, I assume that my father was too, and if my memory serves me correctly, I was also accompanied by my aunt and my three cousins.  I don’t remember how we had spent that morning or the afternoon, nor do I remember arriving to the park.  Rather, my memory begins and ends with me being in what seemed to be the middle of the Mississippi River, carefully stepping from one slippery stone to another, as I tried to make my way across the water and to the shore.  My sister may have played alongside me, my mother may have encouraged me as I went, and I likely lost my footing from time to time.  However, if these things did occur, I do not remember them.  I remember one thing and one thing only:  carefully, yet clumsily, making my way across that mighty river. 

Of course, this memory is hardly remarkable.  But I do think that it represents an unmistakable metaphor for the journey that is life.  For, it is so often that we find ourselves in the middle of somewhere (or, nowhere for that matter) not knowing how we got there, or where exactly we intend to go.  We may not know what step it is that we are going to take next, and we may feel completely uncertain how, much less where, our feet will land as we put one foot in front of the other and carry on.  Yet, we continue to move forward, despite our uncertainty.  And we have faith that our journey will lead us to where we need to be.  For now. 

Much like in my memory of walking across the source of the Mississippi River, sometimes it is not our destination that matters most.  And paradoxically, sometimes it is not the particulars of the journey that is most important either.  Rather, sometimes, it is the faith that we have in ourselves and the forward movement that we are making in the face of uncertainty that is most valuable to us at that time.   

So, if you find yourself stumbling from stone to stone, and you feel unsure about where it is that you are heading, do not lose heart.  Remember that progress is not only measured by the direction we are heading, nor does happiness always depend upon the shore that we reach.  In fact, it is not even the stones that we step on that most determine our outcome.  Rather, what is most important during these times is the courage to act despite apprehension, the ability to persevere despite difficulty, and the faith that who we are and what we are made of is greater than any obstacle we may encounter. 

-El

Compassion

If you have ever been a part of a relationship, I am willing to bet that you have also found yourself amidst an internal struggle that is, at least in part, due to something that has happened within that relationship. Something that was confusing, hurtful, or upsetting. Something that was difficult to let go of, move on from, or understand. As such, I am willing to bet that whatever it was that had caused you discomfort has also had a lasting impact on you in some meaningful way. Perhaps it has influenced how you approach people. Perhaps it taught you a valuable lesson. Perhaps it shaped you in some other meaningful way, for better or for worse. Rarely do we make it through such things without an impact being made.

Because of this, it comes as no surprise that such lesson can be quite difficult to learn. That we may be rendered incapable of embracing a lesson until we are capable of approaching the situation from an entirely different perspective. A perspective that does not focus on the hurt and is instead driven by a compassionate empathy for all that are involved. A perspective that allows us to let go of what may otherwise hard to set free.

When you take a moment to think about the implications of approaching painful circumstance in such a loving way, it is no wonder that many of us undergo a transformation of sorts as we move forward. It is no wonder that we also begin to soften, forgive, and let go of that which has hurt us in the past. I say that this is no wonder, because I believe that when we are able to approach another human being from a point of compassion, we begin to see life through their eyes, instead of through our own, and in doing so, we often gain a better understanding of their true intentions and greater insight into their deeper experiences. Rather than being convinced that we have been hurt by their selfishness or deceit, we may see instead that they were driven by another force entirely. Or, rather than looking down upon them with disappointment, judgment, or condemnation, we may soften our gaze and realize that they are coming from a place that we otherwise may not understand.

And of course, as I say this, please understand that I do not mean to minimize any pain that has been experienced, nor excuse any wounds that have been inflicted. I only mean to say that it does seem to feel better, and therefore take us farther, when we are able to invest in love and compassion and allow our pain to be transformed, rather than submerge ourselves in negative and destructive emotions.

So today, if you find yourself revisiting a painful relationship, I challenge you to consider the alternative perspective. Attempt to understand what may otherwise be unfathomable. Reject the victim mentality and let go of blame. Instead, hold fast to your optimism in humankind and have faith in what you believe to be good.

 

-El

Pause.

Consider this passage from the book, “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach.

 “In the 1950s a few highly trained pilots in the U.S Air Force were given the task of flying at altitudes higher than ever attempted.  Going beyond the earth’s denser atmosphere, they found, much to their horror, that the ordinary laws of aerodynamics no longer existed…a plane could skid into a flat spin…and tumble end over end towards the earth.

 “The first pilots to face this challenge responded by frantically trying to stabilize their planes… The more furiously they manipulated the controls, the wilder the ride became.  Screaming helplessly to the ground control, “What do I do next?” they would plunge to their deaths.

 “This tragic drama occurred several times until one of the pilots inadvertently struck upon a solution.  When his plane began tumbling, he was thrown violently around the cockpit and knocked out.  Unconscious, he plummeted toward earth.  Seven miles later, the plane reentered the planet’s denser atmosphere, where standard navigation strategies could be implemented.  He came to, steadied the craft and landed safely.  He had discovered the only lifesaving response that was possible in this desperate situation: Don’t do anything… Take your hands off the controls…It counters all training and even basic survival instincts,…but it works.”

 We have all been there, in one way or another.  We have all faced a situation in life that has literally thrown us for a loop, brought us to our knees, or knocked the very wind from our sails.  We have all experienced some situation in life that we simply have not known what to do.

When we are faced with such circumstances, it is quite natural to do everything we can to control the situation.  But imagine for a second what it would be like to deliberately take our hands off the controls.  To interrupt our normal patterns of thinking, feeling, and doing, and instead take a moment to pause and observe what is going in our surroundings and inside of ourselves.

And while taking our hands off the controls certainly does not solve all of our problems, it does suspend time just long enough to  gaze inward instead of outward, and re-evaluate where we are, who we are, and what is happening in the deepest, most intimate parts of our hearts and souls.

When we take a moment to pause, we may not know what will happen next, but we open ourselves to subtle messages, new possibilities, and potential clarity.  We develop the capacity to stop running, hiding, controlling, and camouflaging, and instead accept our immediate inner experiences.

Ultimately, we open ourselves to who, what, and where we really are…at that moment.

Now and then, considering giving yourself permission to take your hands off the controls.  Find the power of the pause, and observe what is going on inside of yourself.  Accept the experience that you discover, and learn, most of all, something from it. 

-El

School!

With September quickly approaching, many of us are experiencing that shift of energy that accompanies the start of each school year.  We begin thinking about wrapping up the summer and transitioning into fall.  We begin to make arrangements for ourselves and our children, readjust our lives, and prepare for the first day of school and the excitement that follows. 

As we get caught up in the excitement of the school year, however, we often feel ourselves getting overwhelmed.  We stress ourselves out about practicalities, tending to the planning, the details of activities, the logistics of schedules, and the added responsibility of schoolwork, and we forget to take a moment to slow down and gaze at the bigger picture.  We forget about the softer side of things, and overlook the emotions the often accompany the transition in to school. 

It can be so easy to forget to check in with our children and ask them how they feel about the impending school year. We often assume that because our young ones have a backpack full of supplies, new clothes in their closets, and shiny shoes on their feet, they have everything needed to start the school year.   We like to consider them prepared because they have attended the open house, met their teachers, and memorized their schedules.  Or because our kids know where their lockers are located, they are ready to roam the halls of middle school.  It can be so natural to allow the anticipation and excitement of senior year to overshadow the anxiety and fear of graduating.  Likewise, we often tend to assume that our college students are prepared for the reality they are about to encounter, and perhaps most often, we forget that parents of school-aged children and empty-nesters are handling the adjustment with ease. 

Yet, in truth, true school readiness is so much more than material things, basic skills, and partial truths.  Of course it is true that academic performance and effort is important in school, but school is so much more than that.  True it is classwork, assignments, concentration, and organization.  But to succeed as students, our children must also feel supported by their parents and their teachers.  They must have food in their bellies, adequate sleep, and the ability to manage their emotions.  They must feel a sense of belonging amongst their peers and be able to work in teams.  They must have at least some sense of self, problem-solving skills, and perspective.  Similarly, they must be equipped with coping skills, stress management techniques, and resilience. 

Unfortunately, though, it is all too easy to overlook the importance of such survival skills.  Or perhaps more commonly, such skills are difficult to teach and are therefore not adequately addressed.  Because of this, these intangible assets often fall lower on our list of priorities than they really should.  And while it is admittedly difficult for parents to instill such traits in our children and feel confident in their ability to do so, it is paramount to their well-being, happiness, and success. 

This year, parents and support people, I encourage you to take extra care as you prepare your children for the 2012-2013 school year.  As you tend to the preparations and details of school readiness, ensure that you also tend to the full spectrum of your child’s needs.  Remember that as one part of system, collaboration is crucial.  Check in with young ones regularly, encourage them to express their concerns, remain involved in their lives, and support them as they embark on this year’s journey. 

-El

A Reason, A Season

There once was a man who wanted to teach his four sons a valuable lesson: He wanted them to learn how to refrain from passing judgment too quickly. So with this lesson in mind, he sent each of them on a separate quest with the same goal. Each of his sons was to travel, in turn, a great distance to a far off pear tree he knew of. He helped each of them prepare for their journeys, and sent them on their way, one by one.

His oldest son was instructed to go first. He left after the first snow fall, and returned just before spring. The second son embarked on his journey shortly after the arrival of his brother,and returned early summer. The third son left promptly thereafter and was gone for the duration of the summer. The fourth son finally took his turn that autumn,and returned just before winter.

Once all four sons were gathered back home after their journey, their father called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son, who had traveled to the pear tree during the winter, said that the tree was ugly, twisted, and lifeless. The second son, who had been gone that spring, disagreed. He said that the tree was covered with green buds and was full of promise. The third son, who had seen the tree in the summer, said that it was laden with sweet smelling blossoms, and he described it as the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The fourth son disagreed yet again; he said that the tree was bountiful, drooping with fruit, and full of life and fulfillment.

After listening to his sons, the man explained that each of them was right, as they had seen only one season of the tree’s entire life. He asked his sons to imagine what the tree had looked like during the other seasons of its life. How it had looked when it was just a sapling, and what it might look like when it is twisted and old. The man told his sons that they cannot just a tree by only one season. That the essence of that tree, and all that it is has offered in its lifetime, can only be measured when all its seasons have passed.

And so it is with people, is it not? Quite often, we judge ourselves and others too quickly. We base our perceptions on just one season out of many. Too often, we conclude that “what we see (now) is what we (will always) get”. And this is not true. Like the pear tree, we humans have many seasons that we are continuously cycling through. We each experience the harsh resilience of winter, the promise of spring, the beauty of summer, and the fulfillment of autumn. Yet, if we are to judge ourselves too quickly and only acknowledge one season, we lose site of the true meaning and value behind the bigger picture.

-El